The Classics

Things certainly are different than when I was a kid. Cursive writing is taking a back seat to word processing and power point presentations. The kids have mp3 players instead of skipping ropes and Indian Rubber balls. We worry about our kids becoming less active so the government steps in to mandate 20 minutes of Quality Daily Physical Activity (QDPA) and educators learn about Differentiated Instruction - a way of giving students variety in how they will be taught and assessed, in order to appeal to different learning styles , because we all learn differently...don't cha know?
Sure we're going to keep Standardized Testing (EQAO) how else will we hold the educators and administrators accountable?
Okay rant aside....my point is that no matter how much the curriculum changes and the world evolves you can count on one constant: kids will always be the same. I don't mean they're carbon copies of each other. I mean as children grow and mature they will find the same things funny, shocking and play the same practical jokes throughout the ages. Kids still make "cootie catchers" also known as "fortune tellers" south of the border with phrases such as "you will marry (insert name of most repulsive school mate here)" and "you smell like poo".
Oh yes, poo still makes them giggle insanely, in fact any reference to the deuce chute region will leave them spent, breathless and red in the face from laughter so intense you're certain they've ruptured something
People often say how they weep for the future...sure some kids are going down the wrong path but I'm here to tell you that at least a few of my students still think saying the word "damn" is grounds for having your mouth washed out with soap, or at least a quick trip to the principals office. Though so many of them view themselves as having seen it all, I don't doubt they've seen alot but I always need to remind myself that they are still so young.
The other day a few of my students came to me with a copy of a well used dictionary that was in my classroom.




They told me that it said something bad and they thought they should show it to me. On the first page of this dictionary some one has written in pen turn to page 201. Yeah, it's a trap but how can you resist?
I first thought...okay this is going to be the page that has the word penis or breast on it. Maybe even prick.
Sadly, I was wrong.







There boldly emblazoned in permanent ink is a textual bitch slap for all who dare to heed the enticement on the first page of this hallowed volume.
Pictured below is page 201.



After thanking them for bringing me the book I told my girls that I would dispose of the book in an appropriate manner. They seemed to want more than that but that's all I could offer at the time. I couldn't find the original culprit. They were long gone. They could be a well respected dignitary or public figure by now. There would be no forensic testing but I assured them they did the right thing by bringing this desecration to my attention. I'm glad they were so responsible and did the right thing. They are what gives me faith to keep on keepin' on. However, I can't bring myself to dispose of this dictionary. This dictionary has been through alot. Despite the fact that it's binding has torn away from its spine it otherwise remains virtually intact. It has served its public well, providing definitions for generations of students. It's a relic from another time and it deserves some respect.
So it has now taken a place of honour in my private joke repertoire. If someone's really chapping my ass that's a definite "201"!
So put that in your backpack!
B-spot on the Northern Slide!

What's up Dog?

Okay, my first guess is that Tucker Chapman did not pass his screen test to be "young, youngest blood" on Dog the Bounty Hunter. Why else would he give the enquirer a tape of his old man dropping the "N" bomb? Sure what the Dog was spewing just wasn't cool, but really is it cool to be dissing your dad in such a public manner? Cricky Bra! Just cause you didn't suckle at Beth's teats isn't any reason to air your dirty laundry in public. Doesn't the Dog embarrass himself enough sporting that candy floss mullet and having his bitch tits spew forth from his unbuttoned man blouses?
Okay, I admit...I love to watch Dog and his posse wrastling the scumwads of Hawaii. I love the intense pepper spray take downs, foul language being showered on the bail jumpers. Then the ride in the SUV where their "catch" professes their undying love for the dog and a miniature verbal bitch slapping/intervention period ensues. Always these episodes end with a crack head in tears and "...you're okay my brother" being uttered by Dog.
Well my bro's and ho's I think Dog and Tucker better crack out the "mane and tail mullet wash" cause the Dove of Hate went to an all you can eat Mexican buffet last night and they're gonna need all the help they can get scrubbing refried bean deuce out of their do's!
Later Haters!
B-spot on the chilly Northern front!