Saturday, August 30, 2008

Sweet Freedom!

Peterborough plays host to many things. Last call bar fights, a seedy underbelly and more notably the Festival of Lights. The Festival is a series of free outdoor concerts on Wednesday and Saturday nights during the summer months, capped by a fireworks display. The Festival organizers attract an eclectic mix of talent to appeal to a variety of audiences. Performers such as cover artist "Elton Joel", alternative singer "Ron Sexsmith" and opera singer "Michael Burgess". The also host local talent and more well known bands such as 80's pop band "Glass Tiger". I apologize to my American friends who may not know who some of these people are...many of them are Canadian eh.

Sadly...for some "Glass Tiger" is not welcome back to the concert venue. According to one of the local organizers "most of the artists who performed this summer were polite and gracious, but this was not the case for Glass Tiger. The '80s pop group from Newmarket swore at staff, swore onstage at the family event and graffitied autograph tables with permanent marker."
Wow, how can we "forget you when you're gone" when you've left a permanent mark on our town. Did somebody forget to tell the guys with the fake Scottish accents that this was strictly PG. You can drop innuendo all you want but none of that in your face stuff! I have never been a big fan of Glass Tiger so there is no love lost for me. I say replace them with someone like Rick Fines or maybe even Blue Rodeo, really anyone...I'd like to see more of "Jimmy's light show" one of the buskers who walks around with his dummy. Even better, how about an all ages Karaoke night? I know the festival staff will fill the void with an awesome act! So put that in your backpack "Glass Tiger".
I digress...
August 23rd was the grand finale of the Festival and the line up was truly great. A Toronto band called "Hello Operator" did an awesome set for the crowd before headliner...wait for it..."Sweet
" also known as "The Sweet" took to the stage. Sadly, not all of the original band members were alive to be there but their bushy haired spirits live on in the mane 'n tail of their replacements.We waited anxiously for them to peel off such hits as "Love is like Oxygen" and "Little Willy". They made us wait for it and even threw in a couple of new numbers to throw us off their scent. They played "Fox on the run", still we waited for them to plant "Ballroom Blitz" on us, or as my friend "E" referred to it,"bar room bash". Finally, after leaving the stage without a trace of "Ballroom Blitz" they returned for their encore...the anticipation was palpable...they played yet another small hit as we waited for the barn burner closing...my friend "D" leaned over and whispered, with a sense of impatience...."play the fucking song!" At long last they dropped it on us....since Andy and Mick were no longer with them it went a little like this..."Are you ready Steve? Steve? Stuart? Well alright....!" Oh yeah it was a ballroom blitz. Number one fans b-lined for the mosh pit and free concert hogs began to close up their lawn chairs and head for their cars. As the final notes left the band the sky was lit up with the grand finale fireworks. It was truly awesome.
The Festival of Lights is one of the truly great things about Peterborough. We do have alot of culture, not all bacterial. There is an art gallery, university and college and a bit of the granola edge throughout the Patch. Many local venues like the Montreal House and Dobro's play host to local talent. Peterborough isn't all about bar fights after last call.

Despite the rainy weather this summer the Festival organizers were able to plod on and deliver some great shows to their public.

As I sat watching "Sweet" I couldn't help but notice the crowd. There were young and old alike, some of which were just out for a free night of entertainment and had no clue what kind of an act they were there to see. Sweet was kind to the crowd but if you have any idea about 70's rock sensations in general...things are gonna get a little loud. Wawa pedals are going to be used. My recommendation is to sit well away from the speakers or stay home and watch "Matlock".
So today I'm oiling up the Dove of Hate to drop a steaming deuce on some people who took up prime real estate at the "Sweet" concert on August 23rd. (The following is from the Peterborough Examiner- note I copied it in a diarrhea colour to reflect my opinion of these individuals)

Sweet but loud

Most people in last Saturday night's Festival of Lights crowd enjoyed rocking out with Sweet, but two audience members sitting behind the VIP section weren't so impressed. They sat in their lawn chairs with their fingers in their ears for a couple songs, nearing the end of the set.

Yeah, performers love it when you do that. Thanks for coming out fans! I hope you hit some grey matter when you plugged your ears duffenheims!
So, haters, I advise you to get your fingers out of your ears and run for cover because the steaming deuce of justice is coming your way.

Later Haters!

B-low on the Sweet side!



Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Hoo Hoo's

Alright, I haven't got alot to say about this one. I think the photograph speaks for me in many ways. My friend "H" and I were having an expensive coffee drink at the "Silver Bean" in downtown Peterborough when I noticed this word all alone, scrawled on a support beam.
Just "Vagina's". Nothing else. Like all this odd ball graffiti artist sees is "Vagina's" everywhere he/she goes..."Vagina's" not Vagina. Vagina with an apostrophe "s" implying possession. Like "Hey aren't those Bills vagina's over there?" A vagina philanderer or collector if you will...anyway I thought it was a little f'ed up and a little freeing. So I'm taking back the word like I took back the night...So keep your hands off my Vagina's!
Get your own "Vagina's"!!
WHUH! So put that in your nut sac!

B-low on the coolie front

Monday, August 25, 2008

Pump it up

Alright deuces, I got something to say!
Today I had to take my car in for rustproofing (that's something we Canadians due because of the harsh winter conditions) to keep our rides from turning to dust by spring. I also had to shellac my igloo and get out my tire chains to prepare for the onslaught of winter...nuff said.

Since I was without my regular wheels I decided to ride my commuter bike to the YMCA to work on my pecs and my glutes. I prefer to take my commuter bike to public places where I will be locking it out of my view for long periods of time. My other bikes are never out of my sight in public places. Bike theft is quickly on the rise in Canada. Check out this CBC story about a dirty douche from Toronto who actually ran a bike store/bike theft ring. What an ass hammer!
Anywhore...
After I finished my intense workout I came outside to get my bike only to find that the front tire was completely flat. Fuckity, fuck, fuck!
In all fairness I do very little maintenance on this bike so I really do deserve to get a flat tire or have the chain crumble and turn to dust some day soon. I wasn't really pissed about the whole flat tire...I figured it was a slow leak and I could just get it pumped up at a local gas station and be on my merry way. First problem, finding an f'in gas station in this jerk water town. I swear to God there are like maybe 7 gas stations in Peterborough and they are not convenient unless your driving...which I guess is their perogative. I decided to head to the Petro Canada station at the corner of Lansdowne and Monaghan Road. It felt like it took me an eternity. I don't mind walking, but walking and pushing a dead weight kind of gets me down. I finally reached the Petro Can only to discover that those chiseling bastards wanted $1.00 for their freakin' air. Are you shittin' me? Who decided that one dollar was a fair price for one of the elements? I thought 50 cents maybe or hey it might even be free...like at the old Canadian Tire Gas Bar...but no Petro Canada wants to soak me for a dollar. Holy shit!
What could I do...I paid the $1.00 only to find that the front tube on the bike is totally screwed, chewed and barbecued. So put that in your back pack! Don't worry though I stood there and squeezed my total dollars worth of air...I want a receipt for that so I can claim it on my income tax under "BULLSHIT EXPENSES". So look out above you hairy, thieving bastards who put a monetary amount on air...the dove is locked and loaded and full of Taco Bell...Chalupa Poopa is flying your way now! WHUH!

My brolley G.. K-Why tells me that air only costs 75 cents in Jersey. That just might be enough incentive for me to relocate!
B-low on the northern grind!