Alright deuces, I got something to say!
Today I had to take my car in for rustproofing (that's something we Canadians due because of the harsh winter conditions) to keep our rides from turning to dust by spring. I also had to shellac my igloo and get out my tire chains to prepare for the onslaught of winter...nuff said.
Since I was without my regular wheels I decided to ride my commuter bike to the YMCA to work on my pecs and my glutes. I prefer to take my commuter bike to public places where I will be locking it out of my view for long periods of time. My other bikes are never out of my sight in public places. Bike theft is quickly on the rise in Canada. Check out this CBC story about a dirty douche from Toronto who actually ran a bike store/bike theft ring. What an ass hammer!
Anywhore...
After I finished my intense workout I came outside to get my bike only to find that the front tire was completely flat. Fuckity, fuck, fuck!
In all fairness I do very little maintenance on this bike so I really do deserve to get a flat tire or have the chain crumble and turn to dust some day soon. I wasn't really pissed about the whole flat tire...I figured it was a slow leak and I could just get it pumped up at a local gas station and be on my merry way. First problem, finding an f'in gas station in this jerk water town. I swear to God there are like maybe 7 gas stations in Peterborough and they are not convenient unless your driving...which I guess is their perogative. I decided to head to the Petro Canada station at the corner of Lansdowne and Monaghan Road. It felt like it took me an eternity. I don't mind walking, but walking and pushing a dead weight kind of gets me down. I finally reached the Petro Can only to discover that those chiseling bastards wanted $1.00 for their freakin' air. Are you shittin' me? Who decided that one dollar was a fair price for one of the elements? I thought 50 cents maybe or hey it might even be free...like at the old Canadian Tire Gas Bar...but no Petro Canada wants to soak me for a dollar. Holy shit!
What could I do...I paid the $1.00 only to find that the front tube on the bike is totally screwed, chewed and barbecued. So put that in your back pack! Don't worry though I stood there and squeezed my total dollars worth of air...I want a receipt for that so I can claim it on my income tax under "BULLSHIT EXPENSES". So look out above you hairy, thieving bastards who put a monetary amount on air...the dove is locked and loaded and full of Taco Bell...Chalupa Poopa is flying your way now! WHUH!
My brolley G.. K-Why tells me that air only costs 75 cents in Jersey. That just might be enough incentive for me to relocate!
B-low on the northern grind!
In vain?
9 years ago
2 comments:
I wanna be an "ass hammer" when I grow up. That sounds like fun.
Gas station air was free in America until the stations stopped being owned by Americans. Come to think of it, that's about the same time as cleaning your windshield, checking your oil, and not being a thoroughbred rude-ass dickbag to you also went out of style.
You try to ax them about this bullshit and they get all like "Yes sir no sir no understand hot dog hot dog slurpee lottery newport..."
I inflate my own bike tires. With my mouth. M-hmm, dat's right!!!
Thank you, come again,
Clean in da Six-Eleven
Brah, when I heard about your situation, I didn't realize you were paying for a buck of air to fill a BICYCLE tire. 75 pennies of air can fill a CAR tire here in the US of A! Yes..It's time for you to relocate to the land of the free and the home of the brave who charge for elements...
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